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forlicnessofnone
24 November 2009 @ 03:50 pm
I was once very objective towards people who are gay or trans-gender or couples who are of the same sex.
To me it was a taboo as it is not normal for people of the same sex to be together as the law would not allow them to be so.
My family brought me up in a manner that the girl and the boy are natural together.

But now it is a totally different matter to me now.
I accept people who are gay, homosexuals, trans-genders.
I don't have a problem with them.

At the end of the day, how I look at it is that these people are just people who are comfortable in their skin.
Comfortable with who they want to be and how they want to be seen by the public.
They have to go through some tough decisions in life to get to be the person they want to be.

I take my hat off these people.
They have so much courage to actually let the society know that they are what they are and they are not ashamed to be who they are.
I feel that is has to do with their pride and their dignity.

I have friends now, who are gays, homosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals, trans-gender.
I am not ashamed to be their friend, instead I am proud to be their friend.
Knowing that they are true to themselves and they have pave a way out for themselves in our society is amazing.

Even my mother who used to be like me who finds the topic of homosexuals to be very uncomfortable, is fine with it.
She accepts the fact that they are what they are and they have their own choices to make in life and no one can do anything about it.
But she always tells me that as long as my friends do not put their sexuality at the risk of hurting family ties with themselves is good enough.

I don't see why people are still condoning homosexuals in our society.
Yes, I agree that there are some rotten apples that puts the rest to shame but that does not mean that they are a flock.
They are individuals who wants to be judged as individuals and not a bunch.

They have different personalities that are so colorful and they are also emotionally in touch with both masculine and feminine sides.
Sometimes I am ashamed to be with people who hates homosexuals as they don't even give these people a change to show them what they are made of and what they can actually provide to the society as an individual.
 
 
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Uprising by Muse
 
 
forlicnessofnone
23 November 2009 @ 03:44 pm
It has been some time since I last posted.
Life has been all right,
there are ups and downs here and there.
Nothing much to update
 
 
forlicnessofnone
25 October 2009 @ 10:42 am
Literally gotten sick on Tuesday
Went to see the doc on Wednesday
Had MC for Thursday and Friday
Saturday was my off day

I had four days of 'rest'
I didn't get to rest on wed as my starhub cable guys were coming over
I didn't get to rest on Thurs either cause mum wants to clean her air-con
I only managed to rest on friday

Went out with Hubs on Saturday
Didn't do anything much
cause the weather was hot
Making me feel lazy as I wasn't fully well yet

Now I am back at work once again
There are four cats 2 kittens
3 dogs current in the dog ward
Animals all over...

It is raining now...
How nice to sleep in like my Hubs is doing now...
My throat is still feeling sore...
But overall is it a good day...
 
 
 
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Smile by Vit C
 
 
forlicnessofnone
10 October 2009 @ 03:59 pm
My workplace now is AWESOME!!!
It an animal hospital with top-notch facilities for the animals, of course!
Its the only animal hospital that has a CT Scan Machine for animals.
Cost wise nearly a million buckaroos!!!!

Co-workers meaning the nurses and vets are friendly!
Easy-going, fun, loving and sweet people!
Love to chat and talk with them....
Plus they are all from different continent of the world!

One is from Japan, the other is Hong Kong, some are from Myanmar and Philppines!
They are so cute, not stressful to work here at all...
I get to go online and chat online when there isn't any clients!
I also get to play with the animals here....

I get to see how the operations are done on the animals,
I get to play with the clients' pets!
I get to sleep too on my 1 and a half hour break!
How cool is that!

I am loving it here and I am happy here too!
Though you have to be very patient and also very polite to the clients...
They charge high prices here cause of their customer service!
I've seen a couple of cute dogs here...

Pompom dog, King Charles, French Bull, Jack Russell, Retrievers, Western High Terriers...
Persian cats! Very temperamental kittens though...
Customers can be nice and nasty but for now all are nice...
I work only 5 days and for 7.5 hrs a day not including my break time that is...

 
 
 
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Its a Happy Day!
 
 
forlicnessofnone
14 September 2009 @ 11:12 pm
I don't know to be happy or upset about what is happening around...
Feels like I am being trapped once again...
But it feels wrong to say that as well...
I should take this opportunity to spend my time wisely...

But I feel as though I am having the hardest time letting go...
Somehow someone seems to have it easy than I do...
I don't understand that...
I am already a lone stranger in this house...

I don't have much say in anything any more...
But I have no other choice but to remain here and live with it...
It may be for a while and it may be for a longer period...
I should be postive about it but I guess that take time as well...

I don't think it should be easy neither should it be very difficult either...
I should take it all in and not to think too much into everything...
Its not like I am dying or anything like that right?
So I should be able to pull it through right?

Thank you very much for taking an off day even before I could confirm with you...
Just so that you could give me some support...
Even if it means you have to wait for me for 2 or 3 hours before we can have lunch together...
It really means a lot to me especially now...

Thanks to those who have came down for my birthday party with or without presents...
Your presence was all I could ask for...
Thanks to Wayne for getting my favourite cake as a surprise...
I really love it and loves....

Now I shall head back to my dungeon and hope to rot till the next day...
Hoping that there would be a ray of light for me to think and feel positve about...
As for now...
I am going to surf the net aimlessly and then hope I get really tired and hit the sack...
 
 
Current Location: Birthplace
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: You're not Sorry by Taylor Swift
 
 
forlicnessofnone
17 July 2009 @ 11:24 pm
 
Every day when I look at my facebook account.
There would be pictures of people having parties of their 21st.
I used to be their friend.
But now I know I was not their friend but more of a fair-weather friend.
Where there is fun having me around.
They would have me there.
When its a important day.
I wasn't even invited nor asked about.

Its like I just happen to vanish in the air in their lives.
I am no longer important for them to remember me.
I feel so left out and alone in that aspect.
I don't know what happen to the memories we created together.
The fun and the sad when they needed me.
It seems that once everyone moved on.
They don't remember who were the ones who were there for them.

I am not asking much.
I am just tired of having to make the calls and asking.
How are you? Have you missed me?
What's going on in life for you my dear?
Want to meet up over the weekend?
Which never seems to happen cause they are too busy.
I bother to call and make plans but they reject it flat out.

Am I not making any effort?
I have my life too and I am going through shit right now too.
But I don't have a single person whom I called friends to call.
Cause they are not there for me anymore.
They were never there to begin with.
Why do I even bother feeling upset and rejected?

Cause I care for them even still.
Even though I am out of their picture.
I keep them in my picture.
My mother used to tell me that they will come around and be your friend again.
I am trying to believe that but the faith is losing.
I don't think friends are able to ever last anymore.

Even when I want a best friend.
A friend whom I can call and talk about my problems and jokes of the day.
Someone who would get along with my lover and my family.
Someone who I can be there for and be there for me.
I guess there isn't such a thing for me.
Cause every time when I feel that that person is the one.
The history repeats again and they just walk away.

Not one sms not one phone call to ask how am I.
I have to be all on my own.
There isn't such a thing as friends forever for me.
Cause everyone comes and goes as and when they want.
None ever stay with me.
All just want to be with me to get the joy and fun then walk out again from me.
I use this description still.
I am a unwanted teddy bear.

No one really wants to keep it.
Everyone takes turns to hug me and play with me.
And when they are done with me.
They chuck me one side and forget that I was there.
I feel that way every time and all the time.
Can I be blamed?
Is it my fault?
I don't know.
 
 
Current Mood: sad
 
 
forlicnessofnone
02 July 2009 @ 11:34 pm
I feel the four walls closing in on me.
Making me unable to breathe.
The sand from the hourglass is going to finish.
I have no where else to run.
The heart refuses to pump any more oxygen.
I am blanking out.
Seeing very little bit by bit turn to darkness.
 
 
 
Current Mood: depressed
 
 
forlicnessofnone
 
I know I felt like this before...
I know that and I am feeling this more and more...
Then I realized that I am nothing...

 
 
 
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Dreams By Cranberries
 
 
forlicnessofnone
14 June 2009 @ 07:42 pm
I have learn a lot of things over the weekend..
Things involving emotions, issues, relationship, friendship, expectations, level of accepting, and many more....
Days are passing really fast, too fast that I am starting to be scare of what is going to happen...
Things feel like they are changing rapidly and evolving into something I cannot comprehend...

I don't know what is going on with  me nor do I want to really find out...
I just have a bad gut feeling about what is happening currently...
I am merely avoiding right now hoping that it would not come true...
As long as I can hold on to it for as long as I can I will....

There is so many controversy going about so many things...
Some that I have totally no interest in and some that is very close to my heart...
There is many things that I can do about...
But some have been repeated so many times that I just don't want to do anything about....


I am holding back my hurt and tears now...
For the sake of someone's well-being and state of mind...
I don't want to be selfish anymore...
It's really tiring that I never thought I would be experiencing it at all...

I am taking everything as it comes as that is the best solution to everything...
Whatever that strikes me as negative, I shall just brush it aside and leave it as it is...
I know that I don't want my emotions to run my live so I am going to leave my emotions aside as it should be in the first place...
Cause I don't see that point of acting upon emotions as it only brings disaster to my live...

I want to change for a reason but now I am just going to leave it as it seems that people around me can't take it...
So  I shall let it be and leave it be the way it is...
For the good of everyone and not me...
Its important to have everyone happy but yourself cause if everyone is happy there would not be shit coming your way...

I am tired... I want to sleep.... I want to fluff around... Actually I just want to die...
 
 
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: Use Somebody
 
 
forlicnessofnone
03 June 2009 @ 09:05 pm
How much more can I take is the question
How long can I keep this matter in the dark
How much more can I continue this charade
How long more before I get exposed to everyone


I am already living with everything as it comes and goes
I can't take anymore criticizing nor lectures from no one
I am already living with my cause and effect of my actions
I don't need kind nor nasty words but just comfort

I am already going crazy
No reason to cry over spilled milk nor worry about something has as already happened
Everyone just continues to live and survive this jungle world
That is what I am trying to do as well

Is it difficult to have someone to lend me their shoulder
Is it difficult to just shut your mouths and just be quiet once
Is it difficult to see what I am going through before making assumptions
Is it difficult to see that I am suffering from my own actions

Why is it that when I am nice and good people don't notice it at all
But when I committed a sin, everyone knows and shuns me one side
Does it have to be like this, does it
What is the meaning of kinship, friendship, relationship

What I don't get is this
Why and why and why
There is nothing more I can ask
Nothing I can ask cause I'm a sinner



 
 
Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: Blanco
 
 
forlicnessofnone
27 May 2009 @ 02:18 pm
Bored.
Restless.
Lonely.
Alone.
Depressed.
Sensitive.
Crazy.
Negative.
Tired.
Aching.
Numb.
 
 
Current Location: Bukit Batok
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Class 95FM
 
 
forlicnessofnone
12 May 2009 @ 03:44 pm


No matter how much I tell myself that I have enough of sleep...
My body keeps telling me that, it is not enough...
I feel my bones wanting just to lie on the bed and not get up...
Even though I have slept for 8 hours over the weekend...
I still feel tired and restless all over...
Its like there is no ending to this restlessness of my body...
I don't think I am falling sick either...
I just think that it has to do with what that is drawing near...
My body is just trying to be normal but the mind and heart does not allow it to...
My mind and heart is in a mess right now...
Not feeling at ease nor having any peace within...
I just feel very uneasy and not really happy about it...
But my body is just acting like a body should...
When it is tired it should get some rest but my mind and heart would not allow it...
Making my body all restless inside and out...
Making me feel very frustrated...

It has been hot and cold these days that it is no longer predictable...
Just like what is going to happen to me...
I am not dejected but feeling out of place of some sort...
I love every minute I get to spend with my fuzzy love...
But it is only at times like this where you really just want everything to be perfect...
Nothing to destroy that nice fuzzy feeling with butterflies in the tummy but...
Nothing is as perfect as I was expecting...
There are bound to be things I would get irritated with or pissed or annoyed with...
There is no stopping to it at all...
That is what I call life in this wreck world or earth you call it...
I thought to myself before that if I have a time machine...
I wouldn't turn back time to where I have made mistakes...
But I would turn back time to where man was created and prevent it from happening...
Man is the cause of everything that is happening now...

With no man around, just animals...
Things would be so much more peaceful...
I don't care even if I am not here cause I don't think I can make that choice...
I was placed here for something and I still believe in that...
But once in a while I would like to think that I don't exist at all...
There would not be sins or deeds, laws or order, morals or virtues, sex or deception and many more...
Man created all these...
Therefore, man has to face the penalty for creating such foul creations...
If there is no expectations created by human nature...
There would not be people fighting or struggling to prove to these people...
If there is no bad to be done then there isn't any good to be shown to compare....
If there is no beauty would you know the ugly...
If there is no riches then would you know what is the poor...
There is always the up to compare with the down...
All these was created by man, themselves....

I just want to not exist here for that is the best wish of all...
Not thinking about money, sex, life, love, family, relationships, friends, work, school, expectations....
But I guess that is not possible right now...
I can only dream that I am not on this piece of earth...

 

 
 
Current Location: BUKIT BATOK Fuck....
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Love Sex Magic
 
 
forlicnessofnone
13 April 2009 @ 04:34 pm
Not everyone is happy with their jobs...
Simply cause their jobs earn them money to survive...
All they can do is sulk or complain but no one is quitting their job cause of the economy...

I am pleased with my current job and hopes to stay here long enough...
I just want my baby to be all right...
He has been so stressed up that it does not only affects him but me as well...

Let's say we're two peas in a pod...
When he is moody, I get his vibe and become like him and vice versa...
 
 
 
Current Mood: worried
Current Music: Untouched by The Veronicas
 
 
forlicnessofnone
24 March 2009 @ 03:52 pm
I FINALLY GOT A JOB!!!!
Those notes about interviewing from Kelvin's Lecture from MODULE 1 is very helpful...
Thank you very much Kelvin...
Even though I doubt I would see him soon or anything like that...
But I still wanna thank him but then again is also because I paid attention!

Hehe!! I feel that I have accomplished something from my own skills...
It wasn't that easy to get that job even though getting a job might not be a big deal to some out there...
To me it is... Cause I used my own ability to get this job..

No one introduced this job to me nor do I need recommendation to get this job...
I got this job all by myself...
Using my qualifications and talking skills as well as showing my abilities!!!
I feel that I have jumped through a hoop once again!

I have to thank my darling fuzzy monster for being there for me during these times...
Through my depressed moments and angry as well as pissed...
I guess I would not be able to find someone who is that patient with me...
Finally, also thank you for the treat at Sakae Sushi to celebrate me getting my job....

I am going to start work on MONDAY!!!
I have to get my body clock in order before the time comes...
I really like the people there and I really hope to growth with them as well...
Even if it has nothing to do with the major I took in my diploma course...

But I know that I would be happy working for them...
I can really shine on my own...
I don't have to care about anyone but myself now...

Many things have changed but there are things that can never ever change...
My love for my fuzzy who always been there for me...
My care and  concern for my family...
My joy for my friends and love ones....

........ITS A HAPPY DAY......
 
 
 
Current Music: LET IT ROCK BY lil wayne and someone...
 
 
forlicnessofnone
15 January 2009 @ 06:31 pm
I really hope that 2 years would pass damn fucking fast...
 
 
Current Mood: moody
Current Music: Fuck you right back
 
 
forlicnessofnone
14 January 2009 @ 01:36 am
I've begun working from Monday...
Today was my second day at work...
Work was all right...
Time wasn't passing too slowly since my seniors are a bunch of funny people...

But the stuff that I have to remember is hell...
There are so many things that I have to keep in mind and I have to be quick in learning everything as well...
The products, the SOP, the entry of stock in & out, the cashier part, the discounts monthly...
THERE ARE SO MANY THING...

Thankful I can learn fast but need time for repeat it again and again to store every info into my poor brain...
Learn a few new things today as well...
But there are tons more to learn in time to come in order to work my way around the probation period...
At the same time, school is going to start real soon for me as well...

I also just found out that I have training classes to attend for my job...
It will be an on-going matter...
So that would be that I would have class for school, class for work and work itself as well...
That is a lot to balance on one person...

But I will try my very best to balance everything...
My love came to pick me up today...
I didn't even notice he entered the store since I was PANICKING in front of the cashier and not knowing what to do...
He said that I look sad but I was actually panicking and really hating the fact that I don't learn fast enough to do it on my own...

I have to do so many things now...
Days seem to pass by even faster now...
I am afraid that I am unable to catch up with it in fact...
I doubt I can enjoy much nowadays seeing how tight the schedule is going to be...

Best of luck for myself and also to my love...
He has to work with an asshole so I pray that he would be able to pull it through somehow...
Hearing what a prickhead he is, its not going to be pleasant at all...
Baby, you can do it... =p


 
 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Dani California by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
 
 
forlicnessofnone
11 January 2009 @ 02:43 am
One more day to start work...
Excited yet dreading it as well...
Uniform is still not collected...
Stupid tailor taking so long to do so...

Had fantastic dinner with Mum and FM...
Took some silly pictures...
Walked around to look for any possible CNY clothes...
Got one top for CNY...

Tired and feeling lazy...
Going to the Tattoo Convention at EXPO later...
Hoping that FM can go as well...
I know he would really appreciate it better than I do...

Feeling very bleah...
 
 
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: T-shirt
 
 
forlicnessofnone
03 January 2009 @ 04:41 am
Its the new year now... It's only the second day and I feel the pressure of new goals to be met and how life should move forward.... 
I've gotten the internship that I needed to pursue my studies to a higher level... But I am still trying to see it in a different light...
I don't want to begin work feeling that its a burden but its an improvement that I am making to my life...
Like what my godsis said to me tonight....My goal is still after all giving my mother a good comfortable life that I know my brother is not able to...

I don't wanna lose sight of that goal... Thanks Godsis for reminding me... I need to prepare myself all over again for the challenges...
I have to study again this year, I love to study so I wanna continue and that is what I am going to do...
I have a job and I have to balance it out with my studies cause it ain't like last year where I am studying full-time...
I want many things and I know that I am able to achieve if I set my mind to it for sure it will come...

Another five months and its going to be a year being with my current boyfriend, my love, my friend...
We went through some tough situations the last year and there were many ups and downs for the both of us...
But I am thankful and blessful to have him not giving up on me and continuing to show me the love I need and the care that I crave for...
It has been quite a journey with him and there are more to go from here and in the future...

I want that goal to continue but also want to live my life to the fullest and also allow my love enjoy life the way I do...
I want him to have fun and live life to the fullest since he didn't managed to and here I am to show him how...
Not that I am an expert at it but that is the least I can do since I am his girlfriend and I am already stuck to him...
Its amazing what words and actions and feelings can do...

He let me open my eyes to many things in his life and I am glad that he let me sees it...
I am thankful to have him in my life to guide and show me how love is suppose to be...
Its really hard to describe what I feel right now for him cause its all emotions tied together...
I am glad that I still have him with me and I haven't chased him off...

That is all I would like to blogged for today...
Continue another day...

Loves to everyone and hope that the new year will bring more good surprises and I love you guys very much especially my love and mom...
 
 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Bigger than my Body by John Mayer
 
 
forlicnessofnone
20 December 2008 @ 11:06 pm
Silent as the night can be 
my head is pounding like drums
Nights have been unbearable
feelings are climaxing and spiraling down

stress and chilled
not knowing where to begin nor stop
fluttering like a fly here and there
prying into houses to find new joys

i have gotten what i needed
but not knowing whether i am ready for it
i have what i want
but not knowing how to show my want

maybe it is not as bad as it seems
but yet it makes me feel so horrible inside out
struggling to smile and not cry
is getting impossible



 
 
 
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Mad by Neyo
 
 
forlicnessofnone
09 December 2008 @ 08:29 pm
The festivals are coming...
It seems there are so many parties going on...
So many appointments I have with my love one and family...
But I still feel aimless...

Maybe need to re-think once again...
Can't wait to get my cert from ERC...
After which go and get a job...
Then guess I will slowly plan things out later...

No one called the whole day...
Hmmm... I wonder...
Just wanna get back to life and move...
Not stuck here and there...

If I can't get the internship...
Then I shall work and get my advance dip...
Not a problem...
Just move forward with a smile...

Right?
 
 
 
Current Mood: blank
 
 
 
 

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